I had the craving for a steel rod to be put though my forehead.

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I ridiculed Jim Morrison’s lyrics earlier; “Wow, I am sick of doubt.”

But, I understand them more than ever.

Am exclamation of wonder. I am alive!

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The human mind amazes me with its ability to shut out and insulate itself from the world, the evil destructive world. I made love to a woman I had no common language with, and it was good. It was pure, easy, simple. No words. Only laughter, only smiles, only wonder, sweat and satisfaction.

Death and sex. Now I understand Barbara. Death is wordless and pure. But, nine times out of ten, sex is talking, excuses, hopes, promises, beliefs, and bravado. But. That one time, that one time, it is pure, it is what it is. I cry for people that have not experienced that.

My thoughts are a swirling cauldron. Something bubbles to the surface, briefly. WHAT WAS THAT THOUGHT! It’s gone, lost. Was it great. Was it worthy. Was it bullshit. It was bullshit. How could I produce anything else, but...

Bullshit!

The Russians love that word.

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One evening before Supper, I was sitting in the TV room with Michael and Vovol, watching some Soft Porn from Italy. Vovol made a good comment about how strange it was that we find interest in the subject of the film, (other people making love.) I didn’t have to think long before giving an answer. It was... It is not strange if you notice that we are not really in control of our own bodies. The community of cells that make up the body is in control. The mind, is only the software. Ultimately we exist to facilitate the regeneration of better DNA molecules, (the cellular mission). The mind in its self has no investment in reproduction; the mind does not live on in the child. The mind is a dead end (evolutionarily speaking). The Queen Bee of the Hive is the Egg cell. Its cargo is DNA. The DNA will change, but not be destroyed. For us to enjoy watching sex vicariously is the way the body keeps the mind on alert, always ready to devise a way to successfully fulfill the mission. Think of it as watching motivational films.

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To put your dreams into words. Is to commit to judgment your intentions. This is good. For no matter how others judge your dreams, you can use that power as a positive influence. If someone says, “That’s impossible. You can’t do that.” Then you can use that as an, “I’ll show them”, support. And if they say, “Wow that’s great. I wish you the best of luck.” Well, that’s called encouragement, and it’s all ways nice to have.

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